Languishing

You sometimes hear that naming a thing that you're struggling with can be a powerful way to help deal with it. That's always made basic sense to me, but it's a different thing to actually experience it. The other day my wife texted me this New York Times article by Adam Grant titled There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing and rarely have I had such a surreal "how are you in my head?" experience. The kicker is right up front:

It wasn’t burnout — we still had energy. It wasn’t depression — we didn’t feel hopeless. We just felt somewhat joyless and aimless. It turns out there’s a name for that: languishing.

That's so spot on. If you were a fly on the wall in our house you would hear some form of "why am I so tired?" approximately a dozen times per day.

All the caveats apply here. We're gainfully employed, we like our jobs, we get to spend a lot of time with our kids that we wouldn't otherwise, we all get along and enjoy doing things together. I can look at my situation and say for certain that I have it really good, and I ought to be fine – more than fine really, but as Adam puts it I find myself "muddling through [my] days, looking at [my] life through a foggy windshield".

It helps somewhat knowing that this is a known thing, and something that a lot of people are dealing with. I think I'm getting better at being mindful of my current state of mind when I start to lose patience with myself or other people, and I try to make an extra effort to be present and engaged with the people I interact with.

Early on in the pandemic there was a tweet that went viral that said something to the effect of "right now if you're getting your work done and not being a jerk to people you get an A+". I'm still definitely in that place, even though it feels like we're nearing the end of this thing and should be full of hope and optimism.

I like Adam's thoughts on flow as a means of combating this state of mind, even though one would hope for something.. I don't know.. easier than "just-manageable difficulty". But I do see what he means, and I've seen myself become energized and engrossed by an interesting and challenging work problem.

His closing thoughts are so important. I feel like I hear more about mental well-being lately and I hope that that's something that sticks when we're finally back to normal:

You can’t heal a sick culture with personal bandages. We still live in a world that normalizes physical health challenges but stigmatizes mental health challenges. As we head into a new post-pandemic reality, it’s time to rethink our understanding of mental health and well-being. “Not depressed” doesn’t mean you’re not struggling. “Not burned out” doesn’t mean you’re fired up.